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The Three Musketeers



Released: October 21st 2011 (UK)

Directed By:Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Cristophe Waltz, Orlando Bloom

Certificate: 12A (UK)

Reviewed By: Luke Walkley

Orlando Bloom, Milla Jovovich and Cristoph Waltz. Three names usually associated with big name films. Bloom’s career has spanned the likes of Troy and The Lord of the Rings saga. Jovovich is well known for her role as Alice in the Resident Evil game to film franchise and Waltz has shot to fame since Inglorious Basterds. So these three would only agree to do a film that lives up to their reputations…right?

Sadly, as many of us have learnt over the years, this is not the case. There are times when even actors as esteemed as Robert De Niro, play roles that perhaps they do not believe in. As he put it ‘you gotta put food on the table’. There is nothing wrong with this and sure, if an individual decided to continue in a series of films, that slowly decrease in comedy value, while trying to think of a clever spin on a dirty sounding surname…. that’s fine. How three big name actors agreed to do a film such as The Three Musketeers however, baffles the mind.

The latest adaptation of Alexandre Dumas’ novel follows young D’Artagnan (Logan Lermen) who joins up with the three down-on-their-luck Musketeers- Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and Aramis (Luke Evans). Having already been double crossed by Milady (Jovovich)  they must attempt to stop her as she works for both the Duke of Buckingham (Bloom) and Cardinal Richelieu (Cristoph Waltz)  a relationship that could see Europe thrown into War.

Taking the idea of the original novel means that the story was always off to a strong start. However it is literally all downhill from there. That is with the exception of the costumes, which are well designed. It is almost impossible not to be instantly annoyed by Lermen’s performance as D’Artagnan. Ridiculous dialogue and cheesy one liner’s are his trademark and while this may have been overlooked had his interactions been comical, they are not and thus, you find yourself cringing every time he appears on screen. Macfadyen’s deep voice and acceptable acting ability as Athos are the highlight of the Musketeer’s performances, actually offering some depth in comparison to his counterparts.

It always seemed weird that the three biggest stars in this movie weren’t any of the title roles. Bloom’s character is the most interesting overall, while Waltz’s inclusion as Cardinal seems relatively pointless, a smaller name actor could have played the role and saved him the embarrassment. Jovovich may have been pressured into the film by the fact that she is married to Director Paul W.S Anderson, yet it seems as though they have simply recreated her actionista role from the Resident Evil series. Even a scene involving razor-wire is strangely reminiscent of the laser grid in the first Resident Evil film, just in period dress.
The whole film just seems lazy.

Awful dialogue and forgettable action scenes make for one frustrating watch. It’s an actual struggle to say anything good about it. It boggles the mind that films with interesting or unique premises get overlooked, but studios are happy to plow a whopping $75million into creating anything they believe will raise a little more money than it cost to make. Of course they also had the brainwave of adding post-production 3D. The dollar signs in the eyes must have blinded them when shooting the film, as clearly they have no idea what they actually released.

The Three Musketeers is a sorry excuse for a film, almost nothing is anywhere near worthy of compliment and praise.  A blip in the careers of all those involved and hopefully they will all move on without looking back. With all signs pointing to a sequel however, that may not be the case.

Nobody said that The Three Musketeers had to be serious, but if you create a film that intends to be ridiculous at least do it well. For example, the Austin Powers films are ridiculous, but within its own film universe it uses a simple plotline as a jumping off point for good humour and great characters.

Instead of ‘All for One and One for All’ a more apt tagline should have been All For Money and Money For All’ as that is exactly how The Three Musketeers comes across.

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